1 minute ago
Happy Friday everyone
Hehe lol here I am looking proud af and that's because its Excactly how I feel
I wasn't going to post about this but I might aswell🤷🏽♀️ As some of you may have seen from my Instagram story, today two years ago was the day I was discharged from inpatient.
After 6 months of what felt like being isolated from the rest of planet earth (not jokin) stepping out of those doors for that one last time was such a relief.
I can remember it so well.
What motivated me to get out of hospital was the fact that I had a holiday coming up- which ended up being the day after I was discharged😂 It gave me something to work towards to get out.
When I left I remember how fucking horrific my relationship with food and my body became.
During my time there I gained 16KG, met a bunch of amazing people, and came out mentally 10x worse.
When I left, I can't begin to explain how much pressure I put on myself to lose weight again. I once again had 100% control over my food and doing thought of doing nothing about that was fuckin hard man.
As time went on I found new ways to lie and manipulate those who were only trying to help me.
All I could think of was how I was never ill enough etc etc (ridic things) and how this time round Id become even tinier. LOL BEAR IN MIND I WAS 1/2 the weight I am now.
Anyways my weight loss was gradual,and slowly became tiny again (not as tiny but that's not what matters) in hospital had not helped me find coping mechanisms that worked for me. It was a rush of "gain weight" > get out, and I basically ate my way outta there.
Food was my way of controlling things and it's all I knew.
I've never explained my story v well on here just because I don't thing it's that relevant/ nobody rlly wants to here but I'm thinking of making a YouTube vid🤷🏽♀️ Anyways after months of rejecting any more help from professionals I stumbled across fitness youtubers and fell in love with lifting, gained weight and we all lived happily ever after.
Nah jokes about the end it's all just complicated but I'm so so fucking glad I've found a place where I'm content at, not "HAPPPPY😁😁😁😁" because being like that 24/7 is just unrealistic.